I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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