i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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