i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize