words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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