If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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