woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
