Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
