I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
