sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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