but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
