then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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