i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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