Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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