I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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