At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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