You can't special order awesome
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how does that bad decision feel?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
