Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
