which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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