plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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