Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
