Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
