the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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