What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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