Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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