I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
