Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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