is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
