Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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