Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
