does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
