and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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