Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
