I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
