If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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