I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
