you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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