never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
