He uses pillows to masturbate.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
