she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
