I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just had sex bonerless
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
