i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
