You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
