Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I cannot find my penis.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
