The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
