I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize