How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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