I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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