You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
