thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
