I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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