its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
