You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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