i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
