Cold hands, warm shart.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
