yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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