AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There's even glitter on my cock...
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