Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
