just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
