she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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