it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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