Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
