The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
