just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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