I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
