Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
