so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
