the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
